Why Ever Not

Not much has changed. M is still lost to me, ever forever. And she who was he who is now a most dear friend is distant and changed, but she is at peace and has a relationship no less. She was unhurt yesterday is what was most assuredly a frightening collision on the highway between Chicago and Indiannapolis I spoke to her; she is with renewed determination to complete her Bollywood screenplay at last.

I am adrift. Trapped here as caretaker to my mother; she is so fragile, her skin tears so easily; her stomach is sensitive, her bones riddled by osteoporosis. A shade of my future.

I spent the fall frantic about my aching leg, but after two xrays and a bone scan I remain without infection, but rather may have developed bursitis in the surgical hip. The surgeon administered a cortisone shot to that hip, which hurt a surprising great deal, and I was without any pain for two or three days. Really no thumb pain, no hip pain, no knee pain. I cannot remember now being without discomfort...just slogging ahead, keep going keep going.